Loves, Part One: Coffee

“Her name was Darlene. She had beautiful brown skin and an attitude that set things on fire. She set the stage for my love affair with coffee.”

I went to a private Christian academy where we did not have “dances.” Instead we had Formals. But they served the same purpose. At the most awkward stage of life we’re supposed to ask out someone and have a grand evening together with our class mates.

I’d never really been on a date before but for some odd reason I resolved to go to the Formal my Freshmen year. I had my eye on Darlene, a short, spicy, hispanic girl that was always up to something mischievous. A good friend of mine also wanted to ask Darlene out. After basketball one morning I told Dan “you have two weeks to ask her to the formal. If you don’t, I’m going to.”

He didn’t. So I gathered all the courage my nerdy heart could muster and asked Darlene. She said yes. Dan was mad. I didn’t care.

I spent the next few weeks in awkward conversations with Darlene. We enjoyed each others company but I could tell that the chemistry wasn’t there for anything more than friendship.

Neither Darlene or I could drive so we took the bus to the formal. I had a tux and she had an elegant black dress. We had a great ride on the way over to… you know I actually don’t remember where the formal was held. It was probably in some fancy hotel in Los Angeles. But I do remember the room.

The ball room was magnificent, filled with long, narrow tables ladened with silverware and napkins folded in fancy, grown up ways. We all sat down and the nervousness dissipated in favor friendly conversion and a good time.

A waiter came to the table and asked if we would like some coffee. Darlene perked up and said “oh yes please, gimmie” in a way only a freshmen high school girl can get away with.

I hesitated. I’d never had coffee. Further, the particular Christian denomination I grew up in frowned upon coffee. Frankly, I was surprised it was offered at all. The waiter may as well have offered me a beer or a shot of vodka.

The waiter poured Darlene a cup. It was a deep black and the steam drifted slowly up into the air, disappearing in a alluring way. It was seductive.

“Yes, please. I’ll have a cup.” I tried to say it like I’d had coffee all my life and that this was routine. But I think it was obvious I’d never had the stuff before.

I took a sip. I can still remember the deep, foreign flavor of it. It was earthy, sharp, and very bitter. My body loved it, my tongue didn’t know what to do with it. I set the cup back down and just starred at it. I took another sip. I let it sink in. This was good. This was complex. This wasn’t easy. This was love.

My friends told me later that Darlene was hoping I’d ask her to be my girlfriend but I never did. I think the coffee had a lot to do with that.

In coffee I had discovered a new, adult world. It was a first step into something I knew nothing about. I didn’t want a girlfriend, I wanted to know more about this world that produced a drink so disturbingly good. There was a mystery there that I knew was important to figure out first. If I could understand coffee, I had a shot at understanding relationships.

Years later I am a coffee snob, no doubt about it. I hand grind my coffee, carefully eyeing the fineness of the grind before adding it to stove top moka maker. I only use fresh roasted coffee from local shops that know how to roast. I get to know the roast masters personally so I can be sure that they know what they are doing. 

I like my coffee complex, hot, spicy, with a delicate finish. Drinking coffee let’s me experience good conquering evil, a victory on the tongue with each sip. I never settle for lesser coffee, even if its free. Its not about the caffeine.

My marriage is like this, only better. I’m a marriage snob of sorts. I’ve taken the time to know what I’m doing. I never settle, even if its easier.

Like my coffee, my marriage is exquisite. I take as much care with the details of everyday life with The Best Wife Ever (Hi Laura!) as I do preparing my patented Diablo Mocha. Each day is a small victory that makes life with her all the better.